rest in peace, jackson gumblequeue

late last night, we had to put gumby to sleep.

before we went to bed, we tried to give him his mirtazapine, an anti-anxiety, appetite stimulating medication he's been taking every three days since his diagnosis of lung cancer. normally, he sort of reluctantly gulps it down with a small smear of cream cheese, but he really fought it this time, as much as a cat with about 60% lung capacity could. he just wouldn't take it, and he stumbled away from our arms mouth open, panting. we could see that, of late, he just hasn't been his happy gregarious self. he just couldn't really breathe. he would just sprawl his wraith-thin body out and his lungs would pump in and out like bellows. we just knew this wasn't the way to leave your buddy.

after a few minutes of agonizing whether or not we should, casey decided it was the right thing to do. scott graciously agreed to act as sentry while we were gone. after he arrived, casey and i tearfully whisked jackson off to the emergency veterinary clinic on clybourn. he passed peacefully with his head tucked lovingly into his daddy's arm.

casey's off to mount whitney, just outside of los angeles today. though i know he's been swallowing back some fear over climbing the highest mountain in the united states, he surpassed one of his most dreaded moments last night. i hope he'll find he can scale those rocky heights, feeling invincible and at peace this memorial day weekend.

the aftermarket car alarm from hell

so far, i've had a very nice, tranquil pregnancy [knocking furiously on wood] and am amazed to be in my fourth month. no crying jags, no insane compulsions to cram as much food in my gullet as i can at one time, no nausea, you get the picture.

i have had several vivid, often violent dreams. they may not, however be from the pregnancy, as i recently discovered. of late, i find it hard just to get to REM sleep due to this bone-jarringly loud disruption each and every night. it's the kind of noise that makes you want to get up and just whack the shit out of whoever is making it. at first, i thought it was just some incredibly stupid person with both thumbs on the horn buttons of his car, pressing each button very fast in opposition for just a moment. i would awaken in a blind rage, ready to thrust my naked torso, bare pregnant breasts and all, out the window to find out where the ruckus was coming from. i'd then try in vain to quiet my monkey mind from formulating a plan to call the police and.... give the plate number? complain? how about find the car and write a note on it? ummm...

last night, after being shocked awake twice by this loud-as-hell, split-second atom bomb to my earholes, i figured out that it was someone's frigging car alarm being engaged. wtf! it's not the standard chirp-chirp or even the slighly obnoxious horn toot our hondas make. it's a full-on, full-force beebahbeebahbeeeep!

we heard it today again. i can hardly believe that there is nothing that can be done about this... short of moving, i suppose. any suggestions besides earplugs?