Thursday, April 06, 2006

little preggy paula k

i just haven't had that much to write. it kinda sucks. mainly, i've wanted to avoid just writing about pregnancy. detailed description of the rigors of knocked-up-ed-ness can be boring reading for the world at large and there are just so many blogs out there all about it that are far better at it than mine already.

isn't the second trimester supposed to be the easier one?! this morning, i was in the bathroom, exhausted and on the verge of tears from being kept awake by my newfound lack of peristalsis. i was fervently trying to get my mouth clean -- between the increase in plaque production and the constant bath of stomach acid, things get pretty mossy in there. after brushing, flossing, and washing with cool mint listerine, i was left with a raw, bloody gums and... a blue tongue. pathetic. what immediately popped in my head? a childhood favorite, shel silverstein's poem sick.

i bring you my adaptation of this work:

"i cannot go to school today,"
said little preggy paula k.
"i feel a stretching on my bump,
a kick, a stick, and even a jump.
my crotch is wet, my skin is dry,
i feel like i am going to cry.
montgomery's tubes as big as rocks,
i've counted sixteen belly knocks,
and there's one more--that's seventeen,
i’m sorry if i’m sounding mean.
my ass is fat -- i’ll try’n be nice --
i'm over veggies over rice.
i burp and fart and gasp and choke,
i'm sure my 'sophagus is broke --
my teeth feel like they're full of grout,
my belly button's popping out,
my back hurts sleeping on my side,
my pillow, ‘tween my legs, i ride.
my hands are swollen now, and numb.
man, i swear i'm getting dumb.
my thighs are thick, my arms are weak,
can't find the words i want to speak.
my tongue is growing lots of hair,
can't reach to trim the stuff down there!
my belly's popped, my spine ain't straight,
my weight is well past one-o-eight.
my hair is flat, i cannot crap,
i really want to take a nap.
i need a pedicure, and -- what?
what's that? what's that you say?
you say today is. . .saturday?
g'bye, i'm going out to play!"

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