good grief!

oookay. on to more innocent topics...

my friend jamie recently asked, what music reminds you of your childhood?

after viewing the tv special, a charlie brown christmas, i downloaded the soundtrack off itunes. it's all played by the vince guaraldi trio and it's just good jazz. it's the perfect background music while waiting for a snowstorm to hit.

we used to stay up as kids to watch the peanuts specials. each year, we'd park our toughskins on the olive green shag carpeting in the family room and relish every moment. i still love all those charlie brown specials and never realized how smart the dialogue really is. i'm sure i never really caught all of it as a kid. snoopy still cracks me up. seems so much cooler than the junk being peddled to the tots these days.

i wonder if otto will think the peanuts are cool, too.

welcome to my nightmare

have you ever had a horrible dream in which you felt like you knew it was a dream but weren't sure? i did early this morning... horrible.

i dreamed that casey informed me rather unceremoniously that he was, in fact, gay. he was very cavalier about it and seemed so relieved to get it off his chest; he barely concealed his excitement to dump our boring, laborious hetero life.

in my dream, days went by and i kept asking him, "are you really gay?" he would roll his eyes and say, "yes! christ, what do you want me to do: print it on a banner?" even while panicking about being a single mom with an infant; hiring a lawyer to arrange the divorce; and completely start a new life, i remember thinking, "but this is just a dream, right? this isn't real... right?" this newly out casey was busy packing clothes and cleaning out closets of his belongings.

finally, we went to my mother's house to visit and, curiously, my mother-in-law lived there. i collared casey in the living room and whispered, "does she know?" to which he blurted gleefully, "nope! why don't you go ahead and break the news?"

"what?" asked roma, "what is it?" it was almost as if she was anticipating hearing good news: we sold the house for a great price, are moving to grosse pointe, are expecting again.

i mournfully reported, "casey and i are getting a divorce... because he's gay."

through furious tears, roma said, "what?! so i guess this is news that just didn't manage to come out with the baby." and then, thankfully, i woke up.

the sunrise alarm clock was blazingly bright, and just before it beeped, i turned to casey, sleeping on his stomach and asked, "you're not gay, are you?"

one hazel eye popped open above the pillow case and the accompanying eyebrow arched. "what!?" i told him about the nightmare. "you think i'm gay?" he asked.

"no, not at all. even in the dream, you didn't seem gay. it was just the dream... it never seemed to end."

"i guess i better man up for you -- wear lumberjack shirts... get into fights..."

i laughed, and sighed in relief. whatever. anything to keep a dream like that at bay.

what was your worst nightmare from which you couldn't wake up?

home of the beavers, no less

what can possibly make this experiment less politically correct?

this is at the university whose website reads "oregon state university. open minds. open doors."

i got it... how about if the female scientists were forced to wear high heels and mini-scrubs with plunging necklines. wait... who am i kidding: "female scientists"? haw haw haw... beavers.

mini-me?

compare these first day photos of otto and me. though everyone knows babies change their looks constantly, you have to admit we look a lot alike. now you see where that hair comes from... and even our noses look about the same. funny... i pegged it a hess nose, but only time will tell.

why be smart? when you can just eat chocolate

click the picture! to get more stupider

today, as i was nuking a scrumptious boca brat for lunch, i noticed this nestlé crunch bar sitting atop my microwave. the side of the wrapper read:


why be plain? when you can be crunchy

what?! this is the kind of shit that just sets my teeth on edge, probably more than ever now that i'm a mama. as if the children who consume the most candy bars don't have enough issues with knowing how to nourish their pale, flabby bodies as it is, now they're going to be grammatically challenged as well.