Tuesday, August 28, 2007

what a day

yet again this week, i have an ear infection gone systemic: i feel achy and have a low-grade fever. waiting for my dental dose of ibuprofen to kick in, i quietly churn out some work. casey emails me from the hospital -- still waiting for his appointment, and did i talk to the dermatologist yet about the biopsies? she called last night and left a message and i didn't know. the receptionist took the message that i returned the call and let me know that it would be after four when i'd hear from the doctor because "only she can let you know the results". it's only 2:30! i have at least an hour and a half to try and conjure up a mental image of the carnage that was casey's skin cancer removal and then superimpose that image on the tender skin beneath my small, sagging bosom. neat.

an email then pops up in my inbox entitled "tough one" from the coach of the team for which i've been choreographing since 2001. after a valiant campaign against a handful of bloodthirsty pom moms, she resigned this morning. the battle had been long and tearful, and this ragtag bunch of angry parents have effectively forced my friend's hand to write the letter ending her tenure. this is a team that was recently listed as one of the top 25 dance teams in the nation according to the perez hilton of competitive dance and was a hair from reaching the finals at nationals. now, sans choreographers [my co-choreographer and i have jumped ship], the entire program has been turned on its head.

this squad's losing its fearless leader is devastating to me on several fronts. from a professional standpoint, i've lost a key account, a big name, and an event host. yeah, in terms of personal finances, it stings a little bit: i am losing a little chunk of change not working for them as a freelance consultant, and at my age, finding a new program to work with isn't always feasable or even fun. what hurts the most is being robbed of something i love to do: seeing the ideas that keep me awake at night incarnate, connecting with young women and making an impact on their lives, and working hand in hand with another smart, diligent woman who also has a passion for seeing these girls reach their goals.

as cheesy as it may sound, it's heady stuff. i still harbor some residual addiction to the rush i felt standing in front of 800 dancers and directors, making them laugh, cry, and even yawn. they yawned on purpose of course -- i'd "command" them to yawn during a drill down and then i'd unleash a pent-up yawn and they'd follow suit, laughing at the same time. i taught for twelve years, and now that my ankles are wooden-stiff, my arms have lost their sinew, and my abs have given way to a pregnancy, this little team was my last bastion of creativity. lastly, i really enjoyed my friendship with the coach. we always laughed and gossiped and marveled at improvement together. after a few years, she learned what fueled me and greeted me with a bag of gummy bears, a black gas station coffee, or a diet pepsi when i walked in the gym. some of the parents were terrific, too. they'd pick me up from the airport and give me a hug. it was nice.

at 5:30, i figured i'd be a noodge and call the derma, anxious for the results. she'd already left for the day... without calling me back.

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