Sunday, November 24, 2013


I am having some doubts about whether this Xeloda is working after all. Initially, I know it must have been working because the pain and palpable lesions definitely subsided. Over the past two weeks, however, I have had pain in a very specific area in my back, just right of my spine. When Casey rubs the knotty muscle there, it feels so incredibly horrible that it feels good. Odd, I know. Cue John Cougar. It's really hard to articulate the sensation.

I've also noticed that I can only sleep on my left side. I get that suffocating sensation if I don't like something is kinking my vena cava. It's the same feeling we women get when we are pregnant. Good sleep is gold to me and it is pretty distressing to wake up to that sensation in the night.

Over the past several days, I've noticed a very uncomfortable fullness in my thoracic area after eating, like being pregnant again and my uterus is compressing my lungs. My shirts get crazy tight around my ribs, too. I also get some bad reflux. I just lay back on a pillow to try and open my ribcage to have room to breathe. Yeah... Thanksgiving is gonna be great.

Phaneromania and hand-foot syndrome make for a bad match. My fingers are peeling off and I can't not help that along.  I have learned that the BEST lotion ever is Trader Joe's Midsummer Night's Cream. It's unscented and actually feels like it soaks into my rawhide hands.

I am glad that I am seeing my doctor on Tuesday. I have no scans scheduled but I think I'm supposed to be scanned after one more cycle of X.  We'll see what they say... I don't like to wait. If I feel something, I want to get going IMMEDIATELY. I fucking hate this. I fear there is bald winter in my immediate future.

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