Thursday, May 05, 2005

p.o.b + p.m.g = s.o.l.

oh, pat. a fine mess you got yourself into.

i giggle and squirm uncomfortably every time i hear that croaky, south dakota accent ["you are soo haat!"] on the voicemail. god, man -- what were you thinking?

last night, i watched dr. phil basically hand you your ass only to kiss it shamelessly at the very end. i sat on my couch by myself and laughed like a loon at your poor, down-trodden [but clearly surgically enhanced] expression. at one point, some scruffy young man soliciting for donations came to my door giving me a lengthy, mumbly spiel about contributing to his worthy cause. i could feel my teeth gritting as i politely held the door open. i felt like screaming, "can't you see i'm watching pat o'brien get reamed right now?!" and slamming the door in his face.

as i drove back from the y last night, i noticed the "the insider" billboard at the end of my street, plastered with your big smarmy mug. you look sheepish, almost penitent, as though you knew when the photo was taken what was to come.


Roma said...

I watched it as well Paula, and I just kept wondering how he could sound so clear on the phone messages and yet claim to be so drunk. However, having said that, I hope he is sincere about shaping up and staying clean, if for no other reason than he has a son he appears to care about a great deal, and he needs to do it for him!

p said...

i cannot imagine being his son. i would be absolutely beside myself. the fact that he kept saying, "i'm his daddy," probably didn't help either. that hirsute lad isn't probably wanting everyone to be like, "how's your daddy doing? did he get to go crazy yet?" ugh.

you know what's pretty funny? in the corporate offices of the company for which i work, there are clusters of people at this very moment, huddled around the one computer that will actually allow the link to his uncensored voicemails to play, giggling and turning red. they just asked me to send the link over to them now.