38 is great

here i am at the tail-end of 38 weeks. everything is going just fine. i now have clearance to birth in the tub -- huzzah! my only complaint is that my raynaud's phenomenon seems to be wreaking yet a new kind of havoc on my hands -- they're turgid and immobile, especially my right hand, which seems more like a stiff, red lobster claw. people don't generally notice them as being swollen because they actually look like normal hands now instead of something out of a tim burton movie, but they're quite achy and unfun.

we took a class last night at the hospital to learn how to take care of a baby. while it was a little painfully basic, at least we revel in knowing we're just a little more prepared than the average participant in the class. we realize how much we've learned already tending to our siblings kids. in addition to having some pretty dope hand-me-downs, being at the end of a line of older cousins does have its advantages.

mostly, i'm just grappling with the constant ebb and flow of my elevated hormones. i'm teary, sensitive, manic, lazy, blissful, all in a span of a few hours. i went to see the fourth and newest midwife yesterday, and i just sat on the table and weeped a little. she asked me what was wrong and was so patient, caring, supportive, and above all, positive. i am filled with abundant relief for having switched practices at 26 weeks. it's terrific to be around people who celebrate what is really an incredible, healthy transformation and stand shoulder to shoulder with me on the path to what i hope will be a peaceful, joyous, natural birthing. i never feel like a patient with a disease or that i have to have my guard up or that i'm made out of popsicle sticks and could just collapse with one false move. i always leave feeling a little more empowered and a little stronger on my big, puffy feet.

right now, truth be told, i'm just trying to enjoy a little peace before the storm. i'm turning my cell phone off and not checking voicemail so no need to call both phones trying to track me down, and if you don't call me every other day, i promise i won't be hurt. honest. while i'm working on being as ready as i can be, the wait isn't as agonizing for me as it seems to be for everyone else. this baby could come tomorrow or sometime in september, but when he comes, there is a very small likelihood i'll be [well, i can't speak for casey, i guess] picking up the phone as we speed down lake shore drive to the l&d unit, plate of roma bark in hand.