welcome to my nightmare

have you ever had a horrible dream in which you felt like you knew it was a dream but weren't sure? i did early this morning... horrible.

i dreamed that casey informed me rather unceremoniously that he was, in fact, gay. he was very cavalier about it and seemed so relieved to get it off his chest; he barely concealed his excitement to dump our boring, laborious hetero life.

in my dream, days went by and i kept asking him, "are you really gay?" he would roll his eyes and say, "yes! christ, what do you want me to do: print it on a banner?" even while panicking about being a single mom with an infant; hiring a lawyer to arrange the divorce; and completely start a new life, i remember thinking, "but this is just a dream, right? this isn't real... right?" this newly out casey was busy packing clothes and cleaning out closets of his belongings.

finally, we went to my mother's house to visit and, curiously, my mother-in-law lived there. i collared casey in the living room and whispered, "does she know?" to which he blurted gleefully, "nope! why don't you go ahead and break the news?"

"what?" asked roma, "what is it?" it was almost as if she was anticipating hearing good news: we sold the house for a great price, are moving to grosse pointe, are expecting again.

i mournfully reported, "casey and i are getting a divorce... because he's gay."

through furious tears, roma said, "what?! so i guess this is news that just didn't manage to come out with the baby." and then, thankfully, i woke up.

the sunrise alarm clock was blazingly bright, and just before it beeped, i turned to casey, sleeping on his stomach and asked, "you're not gay, are you?"

one hazel eye popped open above the pillow case and the accompanying eyebrow arched. "what!?" i told him about the nightmare. "you think i'm gay?" he asked.

"no, not at all. even in the dream, you didn't seem gay. it was just the dream... it never seemed to end."

"i guess i better man up for you -- wear lumberjack shirts... get into fights..."

i laughed, and sighed in relief. whatever. anything to keep a dream like that at bay.

what was your worst nightmare from which you couldn't wake up?