Monday, August 23, 2004

tweeze to succeed

while fending off a mild exertion-induced headache [working out again! yeah for pp!], i made a stunning observation: successful athletes are very well depilated.

exhibit a - rex grossman, chicago bears

i don't pay attention to football more than to laugh at the dreads vs. helmets phenomenon [witness one r.w. mcquarters] before sunday cataplexy sets in, but i did notice rex's unusual brows.

my god, they're perfect. does he wax? tweeze? how is this possible in nature!?

exhibit b - carly patterson, usa women's gymnastic team

again, not one pesky stubble protruding from the widened expanse between her brows. now that she's hit the bigtime, she needs to see rex's girl. in the meantime, she can milk the "just say no to slumber party makeovers" poster-child gig.

hot diggity!
exhibit c - michael phelps, usa men's swimming team

this man won so many medals that he stepped aside to let others get their piece of the action. what's his secret? hello! no chest hair, no armpit hair, and -- sorry to point this out to our more sensitive readers -- no treasure trail. he's keeping with the hip-hugger trend, all you corporate sponsors. he has sold his soul to nad [that poor girl -- didn't they tell her mom when they were marketing that product in america to consider maybe "nattie's" or something?]

pluck away!

1 comment:

Castor said...

Swimmers shave down before they compete. It makes them go faster. I had a mate who was quite hirsute normally except when in the final weeks leading up to a competition. All the girls loved him and got a surprise a few days after the competition as the stubble came back . . . ;-)