björk is my hero

isn't this the cutest picture ever?

i love björk. her new cd medúlla as well as the dvd that shows the making of the cd, entitled the inner part of an animal or plant structure arrived in my mailbox. once again, i'm just smitten with her. she makes me so fascinated with iceland, i am going to plan a trip there.

the entire cd is made with only human voices and it's unbelievable. she definitely marches to the beat of a different drummer [or beatboxer, in this case] -- every scene on the dvd depicts her in another bizarre dress that leaves you to wonder, "are you really comfortable in that?" her bra hangs out from time to time and you know she's utterly comf'. she also wears a ponytail on the front of her head like a unicorn... okay. during the interview sections, i fall in love with her astute analogies. even casey muttered approval at her theories about creating music.

i find her irreverent appearance really refreshing. in a time when the artists go from blonde to blonder [britney's brunette stint was a self-proclaimed 'brain fart'] and are stringently styled and posed for every appearance, i loved seeing björk put on something that inspires her but at the same time, she doesn't really give a damn to check her eyeshadow because she's actually working. it makes her so appealing and real because i see that she's more like me as a person than any other artist will display themselves, yet her music unlike anything i can ever try to create.

her foibles in love and her fierce protectiveness over her kids [she beat the daylights out of a reporter that tried to horn in on her son] endear her to me. apparently, it was an unabashed loss of control that wasn't pretty, but she had the unusual heart to send an apology to the guy afterward. i would love to sit with her over a bag of doritos and a coke and gossip all about what the hell happened.

the photo above, taken probably seven years ago, gives me sharp pangs of unrequited motherhood. how adorable: a young mom and her adoring son!

i know a lot of my friends are big criers like me, so if you want a really heart-wrenchingly sad movie, rent her flick dancer in the dark.

people who need to fire their publicists

ty pennington

you know, i actually did think he was kinda cute for a while until he became a friggin' cartoon character. he's so over-the-top, to use a standard hess expression. i am done with his self-deprecating routine, too. you got a website replete with "hott shots" and you were a j.crew model -- the "regular guy" routine isn't fooling anyone. he reminds me of so many cheerleader guys i know: they're just so cute, but my god... dumb. perfect example of how looks aren't everything, even really exceptional looks.

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byron the bachelor

don't know too much about him, but i did catch a recent rose ceremony and was astounded to see so many young women weeping for him. cheeseball. take away the long, blond greasy locks and let that tan fade and you'll see he's just a regular old dude masquerading as young and yummy. nice try. i mean, doesn't anyone see how wrinkled his skin is? check out his bio.

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steven cojocaru

...and what the heck are you!? he's looks like janice from the muppets. i endeavor to be an open minded person, accepting all those on the gender spectrum, but dude, you sure are giving the transgendered a run for their money. hope he stays put on the today show with equally despicable [and muppet-like] katie couric and matt lauer. yuck.

of treehouses and peehouses

no trespassing! keep out! this means you, cats!

in preparation for gutting our second floor, we cleaned our garage and crawl space. cleaning a garage is not unlike building a fort when you were a kid: you staple gun the sagging cardboard back up, jerry-rig some hooks and shelving, and try to find cool places to put your cds. like you're gonna hang out there or something.

cleaning the crawlspace which is actually connected to our house left us less than triumphant -- it was a cat urine soaked labyrinth of boxes filled with memorabilia from our respective pasts. great bouts of energy and progress were slowed by occasional reminiscing. i have three shallow varsity boxes full of high school dance team pictures, gorgeous costumes, and big puffy college photo albums full of those overpriced 4x6 sorority pics. i tried paring the pile down with minimal success.

young readers: don't throw out those pictures of yourself because you look chubby, or you have bad hair. i can promise you that, one day, fifteen years later, you will look at yourself and marvel at your youth. you will covet the body you taunted, pinched, and scolded. i have photos of myself when i ran six miles a day that make me want to weep, but i love the freshman-fifteen shots even more. such a round, smooth face! my mom stopped me from tossing a photo of myself taken on the bullet train from tokyo to kyoto because i had no makeup on and i begrudgingly conceded. looking at it now, i'm glad i kept it!

re: questions for friends

i got one of these from my friend/co-worker in alabama today. i never usually reply, but today's friday so here goes...

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1. First Name? paula

2. Were you named after anyone? paula was a groovy 70's name, and i have a greek aunt/cousin/something named polixeni, which is greek for paula.

3. Do you wish on stars? only shooting ones.

4. Which finger is your favorite? i like my big thumbs. they're fun.

5. When did you last cry? probably yesterday's oprah show. i cry daily watching oprah, but it's a little, weak, unsubstantial cry and not a good cleansing sob. i was sad to tears on sunday after the meetings, too... what's wrong with us?!

6. Do you like your handwriting? no. i hate writing anything. for some reason, my hands don't want to write what my brain is telling it.

7. What is your favorite lunch meat? [gagging] i wouldn't even eat lunchmeat when i wasn't a vegetarian.

8. Any bad habits? i have a lot of bad habits, so i make up for them by being compulsive and annoyingly organized with other parts of my life.

9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? hm... hall & oates greatest hits double cd set?

10. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? maybe. i'm not always the most likable person.

11. Are you a daredevil? i'm not afraid to try new things, but i'm no stunt girl. health insurance is expensive and i've already jacked my body doing too many toe-touches to double-nines to the splits.

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? probably.

13. Do looks matter? only to an extent. there are so many people who are so damn sexy because their personality illuminates their "average" looks.

14. Where is your second home? i hate to say it, but probably the hampton inn in memphis.


15. Do you trust others easily? i really try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in the end, i am the devil's notorious advocate.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? capscella was dope!

17. What class in school do you think is totally useless? despite my lackluster grades, i really think that all the classes gave me a decent potpourri of random knowledge.

18. Do you have a journal? http://phaneromania.blogspot.com

19. Do you use sarcasm? occasionally, but i'm more the type that just says exactly what i'm thinking, shocking or not. sarcasm is for scorpios. foot-in-mouth disease is for sagittarii.

20. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? i'm too little. i'd be squashed.

21. What do you look for in a guy? similar beliefs and values, love for me even when i make "chick farts," love of reading lots of books in bed, uncanny ability to make me spit coke all over his car from laughing, and a nice wiener. just kidding: diet coke in my sinuses really burns.

22. What are your nicknames? p, pp, peeps, peepers, pk

23. Would you ever bungee-jump? negative, ghostrider. didn't we already cover that?

24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? nope.

25. Do you think that you are strong? sometimes.

26. Shoe size? 8

27. How many wisdom teeth do you have? none.

28. Who do you miss at this moment? i miss my siamese cat, oliver. he's in a porcelain urn on my bookshelf now.

29. Do you want everyone you send this to to send it back? why not?

30. What are you listening to right now? cars driving down my street.

31. What's the last thing you ate? soy milk and cereal

32. Who is the last person you talked to? jenna clifford on the phone about a one day college private camp.

33. Do you like the person who sent this to you? yes -- one smart lady.

34. How are you? i'm okay.

35. Eye color? pale green

36. Do you wear contacts? no.
37. Siblings? 2 sisters and one step-sister.
38. Favorite month? april. i'm traveling less and the weather is getting nice.
39. Favorite food? chipotle black bean soft tacos.
40. Last movie you watched? pornstar: the legend of ron jeremy
41. Favorite day of the year? valentine's day/our anniversary
42. Are you too shy to ask someone out? probably.
44. Relationships or one night stands? relationships
45. Who is most likely to respond? i have no idea. i'm surprised i responded.

46. Who is least likely to respond? everybody is busy i know, so i'm not sure.

47. What book are you reading? the pig who sang to the moon: the emotional world of farm animals

48. Favorite decade? come on, now. the 80s.

49. What's a good word/phrase you would use to describe the person who sent this to you? this woman isn't afraid to speak her mind to get what she wants. i admire her determination and think her dancers are lucky kids to have her.

50. Last Movie seen at Theater? i can't remember -- i saw a lot of movies at camp with my staff. i miss doing that.

ooooh, coooool...

my favorite magazines have been devoting the last several pages of their mags to small advertisements for online stores that sell a lotta handmade things. i can't get enough. i love to open to the back and window shop for things i could buy people for christmas or their birthdays [er, or maybe they can get me some stuff from here].

check out the custom, handmade jewelry and cool gewgaws. i love non-mall gifts like this. next time you're hanging at the barnes & noble, just open up the back of these magazines. go find a nice secluded corner so no one sees you gawking at the bright green rabbit-head vibrators.

bastard child of the poorboy sweater

who decided this was a good look?

oh, sure. on the polo model, it's passable. not on real people. i keep seeing these and i just don't get it. it's somehow worse than a sleeveless turtleneck. the sleeveless turtleneck seems more balanced and flattering, if not completely absurd.

this is just ugly. to make matters worse, these always seem to have those too-long short sleeves. you know: the kind that give you tharms. this is right up there with those ridiculous dickey things. you know: those preposterous fake turtlenecks that mitch in the movie real genius wore.

"pop it like you're poppin' a cork"

memphis was outstanding. we stayed in the hilton and not the hampton and i only shared a room with my close pal from nyc, jeannine [a.k.a.'jeannie']. many vodka martinis were had and much inappropriate, tasteless banter was exchanged. if i hear "all night (don't stop)" of janet's damita jo album, i might either break out into a sexy walk ["then look over your left shoulder..."] thanks to by-proxy instruction from one of miss jackson's dancers, brian friedman, or just commence vomiting. it's anyone's guess at this point.

now, i'm back at my desk, feeling flat.

kauai photo album

sorry i've no time to post -- i'll be in memphis until sunday -- but here's a little sump'n-sump'n to tide you over.

oh: october 20 is love your body day so mark your calendars. after seeing some of my bathing suit shots [not pictured in the album], i know i'm trying to get in the holiday spirit. only a month away!

beaches ≠ bitches

all you ladies in the house say "ho!" [cue cricket chirping]

how fun to be so mellow. we got up each day at 7, explored the island, and came back to bodyboard on brennecke's beach [above] in the afternoon. we'd be in the water for around four hours each day, surfing the waves, then we'd hop in the pool for about ten minutes, get showered to eat dinner, then go to bed between nine and ten each night. never a rush or panic or pressure. neither of us have gotten our landlegs back -- we still literally feel the ocean pulling us back and forth, which, when added to jetlag, can be a bit of a nuisance, but hey, it's a small price to pay.

in the ocean with us each day were three or four plasticine ten-year old boys. completely unsupervised, they'd be out for hours on end flinging themselves into the drink from their boards over and over and laughing like maniacs. they were never sunburned, never waterlogged, and never needing a rest. casey and i decided they were made of rubber.

there were usually two or three local guys carving up the waves before going to work at the pizza joint up in koloa town, and then three more thirty-something guys like casey, exchanging opinions with us on hotspots to visit before paddling out for the backwaves.

i'd float along and wonder the same thing everyday: where are all the chicks? i would see them with their significant others out on tours, at puka dog, and out to dinner, but the ratio of guys to girls in the ocean was usually 4:1. there were a few teenage local girls that enjoyed the shorebreak a few times, and each day, one woman or another would venture into the surf to snorkel or just stand on the sand and splash water on her thighs for a second before reclining on her straw mat in the unbearable sun. occasionally, i'd see two young women standing on the big black lava rocks, pointing and shrieking at the sea turtles that swam harmlessly alongside us each day, but all the young female tourists i saw everywhere else were not equally represented at the beach.

where does everyone go? what did i miss? what do you do on a tropical vacation? bueller?!

aloha from kaua'i