air travel for dummies: chapter 2

"ooh my gahd, rita, we're ahn the wrawng bahs!"

arriving home after a choreography weekend in the saint louis area, i exited your fave and mine, midway airport, to locate the blue economy lot shuttle bus. pulled up alongside the curb was a red lot bus as well as a yellow lot bus. i see three women wandering from bus to bus, sticking their heads inside each like bumblebees inside flowers. finally, they jump on the blue bus with me, and the driver heads off.

there is one in overalls. she's got that fresh-scrubbed irish cuteness with curly black locks and freckles. she drawls in her nasal suburban accent, "heaw do you know whech latt es whech?"

the bus driver politely asks, "ma'am?"

i instinctually cover my mouth, sure that it's contorted in an annoyed sneer, and raise my brows to hide my frustrated, furrowing brow. as my friends and coworkers know, i'm a big non-verbal communication nerd.

"ahm, es the blue latt covered en greeavel?" overalls asks, "because the lat wee wuhr en was, loik, awl greeaval eand construction."

"you in the yellow lot. if it got gravel, you in the yellow lot. unless that's the construction you talking about," the bus driver offers, gesturing to the blue lot's chained-link fenced-in construction as we pass through the entrance.

"noo. theats naht et," overall's middle-aged, redheaded companion sighs, "cean we gaht to the yollow laht from heere?" redhead reluctantly admits, "we ceant... romomber... weear we purked." the driver explains that he can't take them to the yellow lot with this bus.

"thon what do we do?" overalls worries aloud. the driver calmly assuages their fears by explaining that he can take them back to the terminal so they can board the proper bus. the two weary travelers breathe a sigh of relief.

completing the triptych of tumult, the short, stout black lady, primly dressed and toting lots of luggage, realizes that she, too, is on the wrong bus -- she's parked in the red lot. the bus driver generously offers to drop her off right between the blue and red lots, but she exclaims, "i'm not carryin' all this luggage ovah thurr!"

i almost crush my lower mandible in my grip.