Wednesday, August 10, 2005

what's your weirdness?

hey, there's... what's his name again? click to marvel at his enormity.

you know. something that you do that everyone else usually sees and says, "oh, there you go again... who does that?"

here's some of my weirdness:

repeater. i have always had a habit of repeating the exact same stories to people over and over. like a personal electronic docent you can rent in a museum, i think these mental tapes get triggered by certain stimuli, such driving by a restaurant or seeing a commercial on tv. casey has learned to pre-empt my repeatronics with something like, "lemme guess: the ad exec responsible for this ad campaign has a daughter on st. exandeau high school's dance team, right?" or "uh-huh. i know -- when you were a kid and you hung out here on the weekends, you used to call that [points to the dunkin donuts on clark & belmont] 'punk'in donuts."

anti-smell. i don't like smelling things, specifically people. i have held my breath when people walk by, not because they reek, but because i don't want to accidently inhale a lungful of their stank if they do. i won't smell food on a plate or someone's mouth to check for bad breath. can't do it, guys. i can usually detect teeth in dire need of flossing already. not gonna lean in there.

computer apnea. i tend to hold my breath while at the computer. i have had people remind me to breathe because, when i don't, it sounds like i'm smoking a spliff and trying to hold it in.

chronic cat namer. i can't stop renaming my poor cat. fortunately, he seems to be following along just fine somehow. i mean, his official name is jackson, but here are the other incarnations in the years we've had him:

  • fatty b
  • the fat man
  • gumblequeue
  • g.b.q.
  • gumblese
  • gumble
  • gumby
  • rumblecrumps
  • gumbaloney
  • bubbles

in truth, i do have a partner in crime on that, but only because i believe i have afflicted him with my sickness. alas, casey has more creative naming choices:

  • mahvry
  • junior juice
  • negronimicron
  • li'l gus
  • gumbledog
  • gumblesaurus
  • key hidden in purse at all times. i'm really good at locking my car with the key in the ignition... running.

    that thing that hangs down in your throat? yeah. i've got two. technically, it's called a bifid uvula and it's really more like split in half. sexy, huh?

    what is your weirdness?

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