Tuesday, October 19, 2004

back in the loop

[yawn] time to catch up on non-returning customer reports!

man alive! i had jury duty last week from tuesday to thursday and my house has been annihilated, so i'm trying to figure out which end is up. i have so many tedious end-of-the-year tasks to get a move on! all i can conjure up is a smattering of observations:

1) i have no faith in the jury system. people just come to a verdict because they want to get home and smoke a j. it's wrong.

2) wanna feel like a freak of nature? go try clothes on at urban outfitters. what did i learn? my size 2-4 frame has a size 9-11 ass. apparently, i'm a misshapen centaur.

3) h&m is good. i don't care if people poo-poo the brand and say they're the ikea of clothing. it's cute, cheap, and doesn't discriminate against centaurs. i'm for it!

4) old men who work in bathroom fixtures stores will only address your husband. even after repeated attempts to show them that you too are a cognizent adult and not a drooling dependant by answering his questions, you will not be acknowledged. it's maddening. i'm invisible and a centaur, i guess.

5) the fact that you can't show a nice little boob or say a naughty word on tv but you can show someone gagging and projectile-vomiting after drinking 25 two-ounce shots of blended maggots, stink beetles, superworms and rotten fisheyes means there is something wrong with america.


trisha said...

Be wary of odd-numbered-sized garments.

p said...

i know, i know... i guess i just wanted to try. i went to the levi's store and when the salesperson asked me why i didn't have anything to purchase, i complained that all the cute stuff was in junior sizes, and there were very few decent misses sizes. she says, "oh, you got big thighs, huh?" that searing moment is forever etched into my memory.

trisha said...


I had to shake my head violently and reread that.

She said that to you?!! Did you just want to kill her? Doesn't she know that juniors = high school kids?

I had a woman tell me that I needed to go to the junior dept to find a bra small enough for me.