Monday, March 28, 2005

[way too] near.... [want to run] far!

ti kaneis, koritzaki-mou? how come you don' call me?

holy shit, everyone.

we went to the pet supplies store around the corner tonight, and when we came back, there was a message from one of my crazy aunt/second-cousins whom i pretty much only see at weddings. in an accent as thick and greek as my delicious and elusive fage yogurt, she invites us [me and my "sweetheart" because she doesn't "know" that casey & i are married] to her house wednesday for dinner. also coming are:

  • my actually truly crazy uncle and his wife, who sounds and looks like a teach me greek elmo doll. my sister says she's more like grover than elmo. same big round furry head, same frank oz voice, same limited english speaking capability.

  • my cousin whom i have not seen in twenty years and her husband whom i've never met and their child. they live in greece and are obviously not privvy to the drama that is my family.

  • my dad and his wife. that's pretty much the capper there. can this evening possibly be any more ripe and ready for awkward moments? i think this repast could reach critical mass for discomfort.

    my sweet but bonkers aunt-cousin thingie says, "we are... neh-buhrs baht we don' know." she rattles off her address: she lives on the next block over. i have walked past her house many times on the way to the cleaners.

    people, what do i do!? she's so sweet, and means no harm, but she's friggin' nuts. i do not want to go there! surely, she'll not understand when we don't partake of her lovely lamb dishes or beef pasticho. to make matters worse, she is a block away. forever. casey asked, "do we have to move now?"

    your f-i-l said...

    Time to move! Sarasota is nice...year-long!

    roma hess said...

    Your m-i-l said (and she is the more realistic of the two)...

    Make some other plans for the evening, and just stop in for a quick drink or hello, be polite and sweet, and then when she wants to get together again make your life very busy. Never throw away a relative, because you may be sorry or feel guilty later!

    Di said...

    Hmmmm...of what crazy 2nd aunt/cousin are you speaking?

    I completely agree with Roma.

    Aren't you curious to see Christina?


    Jamie said...

    I have some seriously crazy relatives, but this story is the winner of the day. Don't relocate - suffer through the dinner, and then hang out with your in-laws and mother a lot more - they sound hilarious!

    p said...

    yeah, i'll see what will work. my sisters probably aren't going, so being in a room with all these people with whom i'm estranged sounds just awful. i can't imagine how casey would feel either. when i talked to my sister about it, she said, "you sound like you're going to puke."

    mom, the aunt around the corner is none other than my namesake. i'm not curious enough about christina to endure this dinner. i literall haven't seen her since she was 13. she doesn't know about what has transpired between my dad and me, and it's not like i can explain it there. and judy just has a knack for making things even more awkward.

    roma, great point, and i'm not throwing this aunt away. up to now, however, our relationship has been at a comfortable arms-length.

    i hate lying, too. i don't like it at all. not good at it.

    Di said...

    Oh, yes! Pauline! She is pretty wild, but very very nice. Not your typical hand-wringing, uptight Greek sort of Aunt. She's had a pretty hard life. She was pretty close to Booboo - accent on the last sylable - not to be confused with a sore on your knee (Yes, that is Christine's mother's nick name - I don't remember her actual christened name).

    She's not really your namesake. I don't think that you have a namesake. You were born during a rather rebelious time and I didn't want to name you after anyone. How I came up with Paula, I don't know. I liked it - can you actually think of yourself as anything else but "Paula"?

    I actually think that Casey would find her kind of interesting. She is a singer, remember, and they did have a band. She does have a beautiful voice and accent. Stan was a musician and I think that he finally just took off one day.